The Eero Saarinen womb chair debacle is by far my most memorable Craigslist experience (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, read my Adventures in Garbage blog). I've bought and sold dozens of items on the site over the past year and 95% of the sales go off without a hitch. Here are three others that had...hitches?

1) September of last year, I needed to get a television. My landlord was kind enough to loan me his 19" TV until I could find one of my own and, considering I was strapped for cash after moving, it was my sole source of entertainment for a month. I figured he'd want it back sooner or later so I began my hunt for a new one. If I wanted to buy something new AND decent (something other than Magnavox or Sanyo or whatever other shitty brand Wal-Mart sells at "value price"), it would cost over $200 with shipping. To hell with that. So I consulted the mighty Craigslist gods and, after a few days of searching, found an ad for a 27" Panasonic TV for $50 in Queens. The guy seemed pretty legit, so I responded.

(Just to side-track for a moment, by "legit" I mean he had pictures of the TV and a coherent description of the features. I personally ignore any ads with grammatical errors and/or ridiculous claims. For example, stay away from

almost like neww telvision, barrly used!!11! you won't find bettter deal than this, it won't be here long//!! its a magnavox baby and its hella damn big! doesn't work sometimes, but if you can get passed that, its da shit. $300 in cash only

Call Bizzy Bee at 916-555-2975932. if my ho answers tell that bitch to shut the hell up and give me da phone

Peace biatch!

Don't bullshit a bullshitter. If you can't spell "the" correctly, I don't want to exchange goods with you. You are an idiot. Adding lots of exclamation points to your ad does not make it more enticing. Telling me there's no better deal than what you've got is also presumptuous and retarded. Go to hell.)

And back:

I didn't realize this at the time, but Queens is pretty damn big and the guy with the Panasonic TV was clear on the other side of it. After calling around, the best deal I could get on a town car that was willing to transport a TV roundtrip was $40 (including tip). But I figured that $90 for a 27" Panasonic still wasn't a bad deal so I went through with it.

He was a nice old man and it was clear he barely used the thing. It was maybe five years old but it looked pretty good. But when he turned it on to show me the picture, I noticed the tracking was funny at the top of the screen. There was a white line that distorted the top of the picture and sat there for a few seconds. After 20 seconds or so, the tracking fixed itself and it went away. When I asked him about it, the guy admitted that this was a problem but it always resolved itself after a few seconds and its never bothered him. At this point, I've already invested $40 in this television and I didn't want to leave empty-handed. After some thought, I gave him the $50 and took it home.

Long story short, the tracking was an issue. Sure it went away for a while, but that damn line would always come back a few minutes later and distort the screen. Not only that, but the colors were funny. There was a green blotch in the bottom left corner that became really apparent when the screen was white. My friends didn't seem to notice or care, but I did damn it, so something had to be done!
So I did what any asshole would do. I took a picture of it and put it back on Craigslist.



For $60.

I mentioned the tracking issue in the description, but I definitely sugar-coated it. If you're not an electronics snob, it probably isn't a big deal anyways. Someone eventually repsonded and took it off my hands for me. I'm technically out $30 when you factor in transportation costs, but I'm still kind of a dick for re-selling it for more. I ended up keeping my landlord's TV the entire time I lived there.


2) Fast-forward to May of this year. This time I'm preparing to move to my new place, which is up a very steep flight of stairs. Rather than renting a U-Haul with Diana and moving furniture out of two basement studios and up these stairs ourselves, we decided to suck it up and pay for a professional moving service. Plus, I've already had one U-Haul adventure...adventure....adventure....

[That was supposed to be me having a vivid flashback of my "U-Haul adventure." What U-Haul Adventure, you ask? Well let me tell you.]

When I first moved here, I needed furniture but I had no means of picking it up. Staples.com ships things for free when the purchase is over $50, but you can only get so much through Staples. Since my studio was down seven stairs and around a sharp corner with a low ceiling, there was no way I could have gotten a boxspring inside. My only alternative was to get a platform bed and the only place that has platform beds cheap was IKEA. SO I thought it would be a good idea to rent a U-Haul and drive to Hicksville (20 minutes) on the L.I.E. and Grand Central Parkway and get everything I could possibly dream of at IKEA in one fell swoop. Keep in mind, this was August. Summer. It's been 95 degrees every day with no clouds in the sky for weeks. But that day, the day I drive on one of the craziest highways I've ever seen with notoriously bad New York City drivers in a U-Haul with no rear view mirrors and an accelerator like a broken go-cart, is the day that it pours. Hard.

Long story short (again), we take a taxi to Jamaica, Queens to pick up the U-Haul, drive in the rain to Hicksville, load all our shit into the U-Haul, drive back to Astoria (home), get lost, drive around aimlessly, completely lose control of the van on an onramp (slightly denting the center divide), see our exit on the far right when we're on the far left, fly across three lanes of traffic kinda-sorta cautiously to make it, get home, unload all our stuff at our two separate studios, and then drive back to Jamaica to drop the damn thing off an hour late. They didn't find any damage to the front and we didn't tell them to look harder. NEVER EVER EVER drive a U-Haul in New York. With a capital "ever."

And back:

New apartment, steep stairs, don't want to move ourselves. There, we're up to speed. We wanted to buy all our heavy stuff before we moved so we didn't have to deal with carrying it. For me, that included a new TV (a new "for good" TV). I scoured Craigslist and did plenty of research before finding my baby.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I got a REALLY nice 36" Sony HD TV for $180 because the guy simply didn't have any room for it and no means to move it. So now it's our problem to move the damn thing (so much for avoiding moving heavy things).

This thing weighs 230 pounds and its roughly 3 ft tall and 3 ft. wide. Not only that, but it's incredibly front heavy. There is no graceful way to move this thing. This guy lived in Astoria so I figured hiring a towncar would at least be cheaper. On the phone, they quoted me at $14. Sweet. But when the car gets there, the driver sees the TV and decides it will "break his seat" and bails on us. Truth be told, the thing wouldn't have fit through the door, but there's no way a TV could have broken the seat. I'm 180 pounds and I'm not in danger of breaking a carseat (at least I hope not). Why would a TV? Asshole.

So I call every car service 411 can throw at me and finally find a company that has a van willing to take it. For $48. Ugh.

The guy helps us load and unload the behemoth (that alone was worth the $48 to me), but its up to Diana and I to take it down seven stairs and around a corner, into her apartment. Diana's a strong girl, but she was outmatched. I told her to imagine her only child trapped underneath it, hoping it would trigger some maternal instinct and have her carry the thing herself, but that didn't work (further proof that women are the weaker sex and that The Discovery Channel is full of shit). To make things worse, the sky's getting awfully cloudy and there's an 80% chance of rain that night. I don't know what we were thinking or how this didn't end up worse, but we practically slid the television down the concrete stairs SCREEN SIDE DOWN very slowly and shimmied it through the door. There are a few surface scratches on the area around the screen but absolutely no damage to the glass.

The movers mumbled and grumbled about carrying this thing around, but they got it up here. I'm already dreading the day that I have to move this thing again.

3) My new landlord (with the place up the steep stairs) said we could start moving in big pieces of furniture a week before we planned to be in, so Diana and I started hunting for couches and chairs. We found an ad posted by a girl from Astoria selling everything she owned before she had to move. These are usually the best deals since they just want to get rid of their furniture and don't really care about making money. Sure enough, she had some really nice furniture for reasonable prices, including an ad for two black leather arm chairs for $150.

$150 was a little steep for me, but Diana loved them and they were definitely very nice. Since she lived fairly close, we could at least go by and take a look at them. If we liked them and she was willing to wait until the next day, we could hire a Man With A Van and we'd pick them up. I responded to the ad:

I'm interested in taking a look. I live in Astoria but I would have to arrange for a van to help me with these if I liked them. When are you available to show me? Thank you.

Rob

She wrote back in about an hour:

Thursday Rob, if that works for you [It was Tuesday]. I have someone coming over to get my AC at 6:30pm. If you could come over to look then, and you want them, you can pay for them with receipt and arrange for someone to help you pick them up on Saturday or the following week after 6:30pm.

Let me know...
Megan

Perfect! And awwww, her name is Megan. I bet she's like a little puppy. If she was trustworthy enough, I would definitely pay half then and reserve the chairs so I could pick them up later. I was happy that she was willing to work with me. She of all people knows how hectic moving can be!

And you know what? To hell with this look-at-them-first-then-hire-a-van-later business!

Hey Megan,

I think 6:30 on Thursday works fine. If they're what we think they are, I'd have no problem taking them off your hands that day. We'll do what we can to arrange a van service. How much are you asking for the carpet as well?

Thanks,
Rob

Ah yes, there was a white shaggy carpet in the pictures that she mentioned she wanted to get rid of as well but she never mentioned a price. They complemented the chairs nicely and, once again, Diana really liked it.
And hey, it's hard to move in New York! We'll help you out, Megan! She responds:

The carpet is 50, it needs a good vacuum. But otherwise it is cool. It sheds a bit, so you would need to own a vacuum. (being up front)
I lowered the price a bit because of the shedding and a small bleach stain I just put on it while trying to clean an even tinier little brown mark on it. :-)
It blends in though, and you don't notice it unless you are looking for it.

M

Damn Megan, lowered it from what? Were you really asking more than $50 for a carpet? A carpet that possibly has a shit stain on it? What's that smile after "brown mark?" Was this your love carpet? Is that why it's kinda pricy?

But hey, she was up front. I like up front.

We'll take the carpet as well. :) Thanks for your honesty, see you Thursday.

Rob

See that smile back? That means, "I know you did something sexy or naughty on that carpet. Or maybe you have a dog with a lazy sphincter, who knows? It doesn't matter. You're name's Megan. Awww."

She probably thought she made the carpet sound trashy (because she did), so she responded:

They look good together. The carpet's softness balances the strong lines of the chairs.
Okay, I'll see you on Thursday. I get off of work at 6:00pm from Midtown, so I should be back by 6:15-6:30, so shoot for 6:30 and we will be golden.

M

She's a regular Feng Shui scholar. Maybe the "egan" in "Megan" was blocking her chi, so she dropped them. Whatever the case, she seemed excited to sell these and I, for some reason or another, was very excited about buying them. Shit carpet and all. We made the arrangements with a Man With A Van for Thursday.

The next day I get this:

Rob, I have a couple that offered 175 and can come by on thursday with a van to pick them up. If you are still interested in the rug, it will be available. I understand though if not. (you could carry that or put it in a gypsy) You don't have to come by on thursday for it though- Saturday is fine.

Just let me know, I am sorry about the chairs, but since you weren't guaranteeing, I want to make sure that they are out of here. Would have hated to tell them no, only to have you decide not to take them.

Thanks Rob

What the fuck is this? Not only did you sell the chairs to someone else on the day we were ready to pick them up, but the carpet has been demoted to a rug?! Why the fuck would we want your diahreea rug now? And couldn't you have told them they were next in line if we for whatever reason flaked on you? What could we have done to "guarantee" we'd be there besides saying in plain English, "Hey Megan, we'll be there." Did you want us to sign in blood? Maybe with the blood that stains your horrible gaudy rug? And what the hell is a "gypsy"? Do you want us to abduct a gypsy child and make her carry your fuck carpet to our new place? What balls, Megan!

Naturally, I wrote back:

We had just hired a van, I don't know what we could have done to guarantee it. Is that final?

We were giving you $200 for the three, isn't that the better offer?

Do you really think you can get $50 without the chairs and their "hard lines" to help sell it? Even Diana didn't think so, and she's smart!

She writes:

There are other people though that will buy the rug. Sorry Rob. I thought you were going to come by Thursday to look at them first, and arrange a van for the weekend. This person is going to come over with a van and buy them for sure. I couldn't take the chance that you wouldn't want them.

I had people come by before already in this exact situation and they didn't end up taking an item because they decided the style wasn't right. Which is why I am going with the higher offer, for sure deal taking them out on Thursday.

If you are upset, I am sorry. I don't want to be a jerk, I have to look out for myself though. I need to get this stuff out of my place.

M

First of all, didn't I say I would take them that day? Hrmm? Second of all, who are these people buying $50 love rugs? I guess I've seen weirder things than that (see "Adventures in Garbage"). Go ahead and look out for yourself, Megan. We don't want your stupid stuff anyway. Oh, but before I fade out of your life forever, take THIS:

Not a problem, thanks.

Rob

Ha! Do you feel that scorn, bitch? It is a problem! I lied!

We eventually found an awesome white leather sofa set (one three-seater, one two-seater, and one big chair) for $475, which is the best deal we could find (especially split two ways) so this turned out for the best.

Two days later, I get this:

Well guess that I got what I deserved. They didn't show up or call or ANYTHING, didn't even email, or return or pick up my calls... I made a huge point about the nature of why I was having them come too, besides the extra 25 dollars. You can see why I was worried about someone not showing up, and wanting them out as soon as possible, (in case they didn't show up I would have the xtra few days to look for someone else.)

Anyhow, not that you are a cruel person- but I would understand if you were chuckling right now. In the case that you are still interested, they are yours- and I will knock off 25 dollah for the annoyance, and in appology.

I will wait for you to write back today, or I will move on to the next person on the list.

Thanks Rob.

Oh, I'm not a cruel person. No no. But I was laughing my ass off. I think I wrote an impromptu song called "Suck It Megan" featuring me on lead vocals and my right arm pit on percussion. I asked Diana if she would play bass, but she declined. What a loser.  Responding was awesome:

Hey Megan,

Sorry to hear about that. Diana and I just bought three big pieces of furniture so we don't have the space for the chairs any more (as much as we liked them). Thanks for letting us know and keeping us in mind.

Good luck,
Rob

The moral of the story: Megan sucks. She wrote back. Awww:

No, that's great! I just wanted to contact you first, and let you know what an ass I made of myself. :-)

Take care Rob, and have a great weekend.

M

Thanks for letting me know, Megan. I hope you get hit by a truck.